he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
