I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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