I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like, not good at living.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
