i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
