Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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