I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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