fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize