Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
