dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
