I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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