if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
