The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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