Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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