Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
