Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
