Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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