When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
