Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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