"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
