The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
