onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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