I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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