what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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