halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
