if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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