I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
