"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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