i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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