So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
