i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
