he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
