she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
