I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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