A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
