I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I deserve this hangover.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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