He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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