My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
