the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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