i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
