I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
