i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
