the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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