I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
