I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
