maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
