Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
