Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
