my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
