He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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