Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
