I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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