Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
