you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
