I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Come on in and take your pants off
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