Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
