Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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