it's like iHOP with fire
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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