So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
