Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
