Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
