We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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