I want you more than these girls want KFC
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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