i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
