Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
