6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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