some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
