she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
