if only i could text you this smell
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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