Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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