i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You pole danced in your parka.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize